TWEENS02 Starting Out
by A Rhea King
Summary: Intergalactic radio stations. Malcolm can't deny his attraction. The prank war begins. Just when you think your dog is human, it'll remind you it's a dog. Chef's diner opens.
1. Gooood Morning Milkyway

Chapter 2 : Starting Out  
By A. Rhea King

_Good Mornin' Milky Way! (1)_

Ensign Shipper sighed, looking up at the view screen in front of the navigation console.

"Computer, ti—"

"Don't even," Ensign Carter snapped.

Shipper looked down at the ensign at the helm. "I was just asking what ti—"

"Five minutes from the last time you asked for the time, Ensign," Lieutenant O'Malley replied.

Shipper frowned at the Lieutenant sitting in the captain's chair. He glanced at Ensign Walters sitting at the engineering station across the bridge before looking back up at the view screen with a pitiful sigh. Ensign Shipper started whistling.

Ensigns Carter and Walters groaned in unison.

"Sir, permission to release Ensign Shipper out of the nearest air lock?" Ensign Walters requested.

"Permission denied," O'Malley replied. With a warning tone he said, "Shipper."

Shipper looked at him. O'Malley was glaring with daggers at him.

"Yes, sir?"

"No. Whistling."

Shipper turned, looking at the monitors in front of him. He hated the graveyard shift because he always got bored. Shipper considered turning his chair in circles until he was dizzy, but he could feel Lieutenant O'Malley's glare burning into his back.

"Work on reports, Shipper," O'Malley ordered.

"Done, sir," Shipper said. "The next report isn't due for another thirty minutes, sir."

"Run the ship scan."

"I ran it five minutes ago, sir. Do you want me to run it again?"

"Shipper, find something to do."

"Yes, sir."

With a long sigh Shipper put his earpiece in his ear. He leaned forward on the console and began to idly scan through the communication bands including bands Starfleet didn't use. Shipper sat up straight, pushing his earpiece into his ear.

"This is interesting," Shipper thought out loud.

"What?" Lieutenant O'Maley asked.

"Well…it sounds like…" Shipper laughed. "Like a radio signal from earth, sir."

"A radio signal?"

"Yes…from earth."

"Patch it through."

Shipper patched the audio into the bridge communications.

"…and at the risk of a lawsuit, GOOOOOOOOOD MORNING L.A.!" The lively voice said. "This is Dee Jay on the station to rock the nation, KRTL, The Fox. I'm looking out on a clear and sunny Monday morning and there will be a steady breeze at three knots for all you wind surfers out there. The waves are rolling in so get out there and catch yourselves a ride! Temperatures expected to reach the upper nineties with no chance of rain. My recommendation: call in sick and sit this one out to watch the scenery walk by. And I'll be watching for all you bikini babes out there on the beach this afternoon. Now, back to the tunes. Let's start this mad Monday morning rush hour off with a sixties three pack of The Rolling Stones. So for all you stiffs headin' into the office here's some 'Jumpin' Jack Flash' right atcha!"

Shipper reached up to switch the channel.

"Leave it Ensign. Record this to the archives and then start the hourly report while you have music to work by. But be sure to turn off the COM system before five. I don't want to have to explain this to the Captain Archer."

"Yes, sir," Shipper said with a smile.

Shipper glanced at Ensign Carter who was moving his head to the beat of the song. Ensign Walters was mouthing out the words as he worked. Shipper started the recording and then turned to start the reports.


	2. Hooked

_Hooked (2)_

"Excuse me, Lieutenant Reed."

Malcolm looked around, finding Hoshi standing behind him. Beside her stood one of the Jit that had stowed away on _Enterprise_. Malcolm had seen her in the halls and in the mess hall with Hoshi, Archer, Trip or T'Pol. He couldn't have ignored her even if they'd simply passed on a space station. Her bright green eyes, hidden behind black locks, seemed to hint at years of wisdom that contradicted the youthfulness of her face. Her black hair was cut short and while he normally liked long hair, on her short was beautiful. Malcolm had often noticed how her smile, which he'd exchanged with her as a polite passing expression, seemed to brighten the mood of any person it was turned on. Had his childhood best friend been there, Malcolm would have told him that the first time he'd seen the woman he had fallen into lust. While Malcolm didn't know her personality, physically she was the kind of woman he was attracted to—if she were human. That thought had the effectiveness of a cold shower. He wasn't about to get involved with an alien, no matter how human she looked.

"This is Sista." Hoshi motioned to Sista with the PADD in her hand. "Sista, this is Lieutenant Reed." Hoshi pointed to Malcolm with the PADD and then handed the PADD to Malcolm. "Here is a list of her skills. Captain Archer posted her to the armory for now, sir."

Malcolm took the PADD, scrolling through the list of Sista's skills.

"She understands limited English." Hoshi handed Malcolm a communicator. "You'll need this. It translates most of the Varlikon language, but it does leave some words out."

Malcolm turned on the communicator and stuck it in his sleeve pocket.

"I need to get back to the bridge, sir. Will you be okay?"

"Yes," Malcolm answered.

"Call me if the translator goes on the fritz," Hoshi said.

Malcolm smiled. "You'll be on my speed dial."

Hoshi waved good-bye and left. Malcolm looked back at Sista.

"You have a lot of skills," Malcolm commented.

Sista nodded. "Yes."

"Of all these skills, which are you the best at?"

Sista smiled at Malcolm. "I only listed skills I am best at."

Malcolm looked at the PADD. "That's a lot of skills."

"We had to have a lot to be captain."

Malcolm looked up at her. "Captain?"

Sista smiled, shaking her head a little. "Not important."

"Tell me what your thoughts are on this," Malcolm turned, pulling up information and schematics on the phase canon, "We blow out power relays every time we use the canons at full power. Doesn't make for a very—"

Sista pointed to a place on the screen. "Canon too powerful for these four couplings. They are absorbing and redistributing power back into the power relays, which is blowing them out."

Malcolm slowly looked back at Sista. "The couplings have to be there, Sista."

"Couplings are wrong material. You need to put on the dirilium couplings."

"Dirilium couplings are meant for plasma tubes."

"They can withstand higher voltage."

"No they can't." Malcolm's anger rose in response to Sista's insistence of a fact he knew she was wrong about.

Sista smiled, leaning toward Malcolm. "They can withstand the voltage."

Malcolm stood, opening his mouth to argue.

"How can you prove that I not pass the test if you've never test answer?" Sista turned to face him squarely.

Malcolm clamped his mouth shut. "What?" Malcolm asked. He'd meant for the word to be said with more anger and force than it came out as.

"You asked me this question to test my knowledge, did you not?"

Malcolm stared at Sista for a long time. He smiled, "Lieutenant Monroe needs some assistance."

He pointed to a woman toward the back of the armory and then handed Sista the translator. Sista opened her hand and Malcolm sat it in her hand, but didn't let go. Sista closed her hand around the translator and his hand. Malcolm looked down at their hands, his emotions stirring from her gentle touch.

Malcolm let the communicator go, looking up and meeting Sista's gaze. "Would you like to join me for dinner tonight?" he asked.

'WHAT ARE YOU DOING MALCOLM!?' Malcolm screamed in his head to himself.

Sista smiled. "I would love to, Lieutenant Reed."

"You can then explain this answer and persuade me you are correct," Malcolm explained, hoping he could brush over the real reason he'd asked her to dinner.

Sista smiled. "And you can persuade me I'm wrong, Lieutenant." Sista pulled the translator out of Malcolm's hand

Sista walked around Malcolm, glancing back at him. Malcolm was watching her walk away.

Malcolm turned back at the screen. "_What_ did you just do, Malcolm?" Malcolm asked himself as he returned to his work. He smiled, whispering, "Guess I've just been hooked!"


	3. War!

_War! (3)_

Archer and Trip turned down the hall together.

"Did you like the meatloaf tonight?" Archer asked.

Trip shrugged. "No. I don't know what he did to it tonight, but it was terrible."

Ensign Sherie Fields leapt out of a joint hall, throwing a glass of water at Trip. She gasped as soon as she saw his face.

"OH, SIR!" she cried out. "Oh no. Oh, oh, oh. I am soooo sorry. I thought you were someone else. I…" She trailed off, her mouth trying to form more apologies that weren't coming out.

Archer erased his smile when Trip looked at him

"Who'd you think I was?" Trip snapped, shaking water off his hands.

"It really doesn't matter. I am so sorry. Do you want a towel?"

"No," Trip looked at her. "You shouldn't be throwing the water at anyone, Ensign!"

She laughed a little. "I know." A little more laughter escaped Sherie's lips.

"This isn't funny," Trip said.

"I know. I…I know." She backed up a few steps. "Not funny. Totally not funny. I am so sorry. I… You sure you don't want a towel?"

"No!" Trip said.

"Sorry, sir. I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am. I am sorry." Sherie turned and trotted away.

Both Trip and Archer heard her start laughing with two other people. Trip's cast a snarl in the direction she'd disappeared.

Trip looked at Archer. "Thought I was someone else, huh?"

"I'm sure it wasn't meant for you, Trip. Why would she do something like that on purpose to her commanding officer?"

Trip's eyes narrowed. "Yes. Why would she?"

"What's that mean?"

"I'm going to go dry off now." Trip walked away.

Archer chuckled. "Trip, I had nothing to do with this!"

"LIAR!" Trip yelled as he turned a corner.


	4. Payback

_Payback (4)_

Sherie walked into her quarters, stopping at her closet. She reached out to open the door and her fingers slid into something gooey. She yanked her hand back, staring at the peanut butter on her fingers.

"Ew!" Sherie said.

The door of her quarters opened and her roommate walked in. She stopped beside Sherie, staring at the peanut butter on Sherie's hand.

"Reverting to old eating habits?" her roommate asked.

"Did you put that peanut butter on my closet door handle, Amanda?" Sherie demanded.

"No. I've been at work all day," Amanda replied.

"Then how'd it get there?"

"I dunno. You're the prankster. You have enough enemies."

Sherie reached out and grimaced, opening her closet. A large piece of paper was pinned to her clothes inside and read: 'I ACCIDENTLY put peanut butter on your closet door. I am sorry beyond words. Trip.'

Amanda chuckled, putting her arm around Sherie's shoulder. "You're not going to let him get away with that, are ya Sherie?"

"Oh _hell_ no!" Sherie ripped the note off and grabbed a towel. She wiped off her hand and the door handle. Sherie threw the towel in her closet before storming out of her quarters.

#

Trip looked down at the note landing on his plate of food and then grinned up at Sherie.

"You _accidentally_ put peanut butter on my closet door handle, _sir_?" Sherie asked, almost yelled.

The mess hall fell silent.

"I am so sorry, Sherie," Trip pretended to be sympathetic, being sure to add a pitiful face to the mock apology. "It was an accident. It won't ever happen again. I promise."

Malcolm picked up the note and read it. He looked from Trip to Sherie. Sherie put her hands on her hips, grinning evilly.

"Of course it was, sir," Her voice bleeding with imitated sweetness. "An accident. Pure and simple."

"Pure and simple accident."

She leaned toward Trip, coming down to his eye level. "But that accident just consigned you to war, sir."

Trip leaned toward her, smiling. "Bring it on."

Sherie stood up straight, crossing her arms over her chest. "Have a restful evening, sir. It'll be your last for a long while." Sherie turned to leave.

"Uh, Sherie," Trip called.

She looked back at him. Trip leaned back and raised his glass of milk to her. "May the best man win."

"It won't be a man that wins, sir."

An 'Oo' ran through the mess hall. Trip smiled, watching her turn and walk away with a grin. The din of the mess hall returned quickly. Trip looked at Malcolm. Malcolm was watching him, still holding the note Trip had written in his hand.

"Was I being forward?" Trip asked.

"Forward?" Malcolm asked. "Was it _meant_ to be forward?"

"No. It was meant to be a challenge."

"Oh…I think the challenge came across quite well, Trip. And I'm sure it had nothing to do with leaving a note at the crime scene." Malcolm sat the note down on the table.

"Ya think it was a little too much?"

"It depends on your intent, sir. Did you want a private war?"

Trip laughed. "She was pretty steamed, wasn't she?"

Malcolm smiled. "Should we announce it ship wide? I'll be the bookie."

"Bookie for what?"

"Which of you gets the highest score before the captain finally puts an end to it."

"She won't hold a grudge that long." Trip sipped his milk. "She's a nice, down to earth woman that wouldn't hurt a fly."

"Nice, down to earth women also have the worst bites, sir."

"I'm her senior officer. She's not going to do anything. She's too nice."

"Nice girls don't say things like 'It won't be a man that wins', Trip. And I'd be one to bet that you being her senior officer isn't going to stop her."

"Good point. Guess you better start taking bets." Trip looked at Malcolm with a devilish grin. "This could take a while."

Malcolm and Trip laughed.


	5. Regardless

_Regardless (5)_

Archer stopped at his door and entered the security code.

"Hey, Cap'n," Trip called

Archer looked around, watching him walk up.

Trip smiled, looking into Archer's quarters as he began talking. "I was won…der… Uh… Cap'n?" Trip motioned into the room.

Archer turned. The floor was littered with torn cloth. Archer reached out, stopping his door from closing.

"PORTHOS!" Archer yelled, stepping into his quarters.

He looked at his dresser, finding he'd left the bottom drawer open. The drawer had been full of bedding and now was only half full.

"Porthos, where are you!?" Archer yelled.

Archer felt his anger rise when Porthos had stepped into the door of the bathroom, still holding evidence of his destructive day—one of Archer's boots.

"Is that _good_ Porthos?" Archer growled.

Porthos slowly dropped the boot and looked back up at Archer.

"You're bad!" Archer shook his finger at the dog as he stormed toward him

Porthos bolted, flying past Archer and slipping through the crack in the closet door.

"Porthos!" Archer yelled.

Archer threw open the door but didn't find Porthos. He reached over to slide the doors the other direction but stopped. He could hear snickering. Archer looked over his shoulder at Trip. Trip had his hand over his mouth to cover his smile, but his eyes gave him away.

"Go _fix_ something, Charles!" Archer snapped.

Trip laughed, backing into the hallway.

"Aye, Cap'n." Trip let his laughter go as the door closed between them.

Archer sat down on the floor with a sigh. He looked around at the torn bedding and sighed again.

"You're a bad dog, Port," Archer said in a quieter voice. "Regardless, I still love ya."

Archer looked around when he felt a wet nose touch his hand. He raised his eyebrows.

"I think maybe you should stay in there until I clean this up. I'm still mad." When the Beagle didn't move, Archer barked, "GO!"

Porthos slunk back into the safety of the closet. Archer got up and started to clean his quarters.


	6. Dreams

_Dreams (6)_

Archer slowed to a stop, listening. He could hear someone crying. Archer followed the sound to a joint hall. Navta was huddled in a corner of the joint, hugging her knees with her face pressed against them and bawling. Archer walked over to her and crouched down.

"Navta?"

Navta looked up at him, gasping back sobs.

"What's wrong?" Archer asked.

Navta started crying again. Archer looked around, wishing someone to come by that could do something. Archer looked down at Navta. It was suppertime. There wasn't going to be anyone coming by any time soon. Archer sat down and Navta immediately climbed onto his lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck and continued bawling. Archer held her, not sure what else he should do. Navta's crying slowly ebbed into shaky gasps and silent tears.

"What's wrong?" Archer said.

"I broke it," Navta whimpered.

"Broke what?"

"I was in hydroponics and was helping planet flowers," Navta sobbed, gasping shaky breaths. She looked up at Archer. "Luke had this flower—it was really pretty—he told me to be careful with it and I tried. I really, really tried, K'pan! It was heavy. But then it fell off the table and broke. And Luke yelled at me. He told me I was clumsy and told me I should leave. I didn't mean to break the flower!"

"Navta, it's okay. I'll talk to Lieutenant Anderson, okay? We'll straighten this out."

"NO!" Navta's face turned into a deep frown. "No. I broke it. I am clumsy. I broke it. He's right."

"You're not clumsy. You're an excellent science officer."

Navta's bottom lip trembled and she burst into bawling again. Archer pulled her to him, standing up. He walked down the hall to a door and entered a storage room. He sat down on a crate, cuddling Navta to him.

"We're all clumsy at times, Navta," Archer said.

"You're not!" Navta retorted with a wail.

"Oh yes I am. And when I lose my temper, I do really stupid things like jump to conclusions and get myself in some terrible messes. And I've broken things on accident too." Archer slid back on the crate, leaning against the wall. He cuddled Navta back to him with a sigh. "When I was an ensign, I nearly blew up a ship. Did you know that?"

Navta shook her head. Her bawling began to quiet.

"I almost did. I was supposed to be regulating the oxygen and plasma mix into the engine and I was also trying to get two reports done while I was doing it. I wasn't watching the meter. The alarm went off and I got really scared because I suddenly couldn't remember what to do. A Lieutenant nearby shut down the mixture and did he yell at me!"

"Like how Luke yelled at me?"

"Probably pretty close. I was put on kitchen detail for a month for it. The captain told me that I needed to manage things better and tell someone when I couldn't do something. That's what you should have done, Navta. You should have told Lieutenant Anderson that you couldn't lift the flower. It's okay to admit something like that and ask for help, half-pint."

Navta chuckled.

Archer smiled. "What?"

"You called me half-pint. Trip calls me that sometimes too."

Archer smiled at her. "Yeah?"

Navta laid her head on Archer's shoulder. "I don't remember my dad."

"You were just a baby when you left."

"I bet he was just like you."

Archer was shocked by her comment.

Navta reached up and played with the pips on Archer's uniform. "I'm going to be a captain someday, like you and Captain Vardee, and I'll fly a ship like _Enterprise_."

"Not like the _Diedra_?"

"Uh-uh. Like _Enterprise_. I'll have lots of people on it. And maybe I'll go home and see what it looks like for real."

Archer smiled. He kissed Navta's forehead. "You hold onto that dream, Navta, and someday it will come true."

Navta turned, wrapping her arms around Archer's neck and laying her head against his shoulder. Archer held her, mulling over her dream.


	7. Hippo Birdee Two Ewe

_Hippo Birdee Two Ewe (7)_

"Captain. Captain Archer."

Archer stopped walking and looked back. Ensign Paris ran up, stopping beside him.

"Sir, can I requisition a birthday cake?"

Archer smiled. "Of course."

"Here." Ensign Paris handed him a PADD and stylus to sign it with.

Archer signed the PADD and handed it back. "Whose birthday?"

"Well, no one really. The children don't know when they were born so I thought we would just sort of start celebrating it."

Archer laughed. "Let me know when to show up."

"Yes, sir. Good day, sir." Ensign Paris turned and walked away.

#

"I have their birthdays!" Hoshi announced as she walked up to the galley counter.

Ensign Paris finished putting the flower petal on the cake and looked up at Hoshi. "How'd you get them?" she asked

"A lot of math, Lieutenants Reed and Monroe, and some guesses." Hoshi handed Ensign Paris the PADD. "And three of them have birthdays this month."

Ensign Paris smiled, looking over the PADD. "How wonderful! Eartik's is this month," Ensign Paris gasped. "In three days!"

"I know. I'll have to hurry and make him a present."

Ensign Paris went back to decorating the cake. "He's getting cake from me. This is hard work!"

"It looks nice," Hoshi commented.

"I hope they like it."

"Since they've never seen a birthday cake, I'm sure they will," Hoshi said.

"Chef refused to decorate it. He told me he'd bake it but it was up to me to decorate."

Hoshi replied in a quiet voice, "He gets cranky about some things."

"I HEARD THAT!" Chef yelled from the back of the galley.

Hoshi and Ensign Paris laughed.

#

Eartik sat the marker in his hand down, looking at the door when the doorbell rang.

"Come in," Eartik said.

The door opened and Archer stepped in.

"K'pan!" Eartik cried. He dropped his marker and ran up to Archer, hugging the Captain as if he hadn't seen him in weeks.

Archer laughed, looking at the drawings sitting on the desk.

"Are these yours?" Archer asked, walking over to the desk.

"Yeah." Eartik snatched up a picture, holding it up for Archer to see. "See. I drew crow-nose."

"Qo'nos," Archer corrected.

"Yeah. That too."

Archer laughed. "Yeah. That too. Hey, I need you to come to the mess hall with me."

"Am I in trouble?"

"Not yet. Should you be?"

Eartik shook his head, grinning up at Archer. Archer held out his hand and Eartik slid his into Archer's. The two left the quarters and started walking to the lift.

"Trip said he was coming by tonight and was going to teach me more of baseball. Will we be back by then?" Eartik asked, looking up at Archer.

"Might be," Archer said.

They stopped at the lift and Archer pushed the button.

"K'pan?"

"Hm?"

"Do you have birthdays?"

"Yes."

The lift door opened and Eartik hopped onto the lift and then stood beside Archer swinging their joined hands.

"How many birthdays have you had?"

"Lots."

"How many?"

"Over thirty."

"Really?"

"Yep."

"That's a lot of birthdays. Did you get presents for all of them?"

"Most of them."

"Not all of them? Ensign Paris said people get presents for their birthdays."

"She also said you've been asking everyone about their birthday this week."

"I wanna have a birthday. They sound like fun." Eartik looked down at the floor, stubbing the toe of his shoe against the carpet.

"I think they are."

"K'pan?" Eartik asked.

The lift stopped and Eartik hopped off. The two started walking toward the mess hall.

"What?"

"Do Vulcan's have birthdays?"

"I don't know. You should ask T'Pol."

"But if they're fun, then they should have them."

"You'll have to ask T'Pol about that. Maybe that's a hidden secret we humans and Jit aren't privileged to know."

"Are we going to have T'Pol's birthday someday?"

"Maybe."

"I would make 'er a present."

"What would it be?"

"I dunno." Eartik looked up at the ceiling. "How come the lights get dim at night?"

"To conserve on power."

"Why do they do that?"

Archer laughed. "Do you ever not ask questions?"

"No." Eartik smiled up at Archer. "You know what Trip does?"

"Hm?"

"He gives me piggy back rides. Why do they call them piggy back rides?"

"I dunno. You want a piggy back ride?"

"YEAH!" Eartik said, his eyes getting wide.

Archer stopped and crouched down. Eartik climbed on his back, wrapping his arms around Archer's neck and his legs around Archer's waist. Archer stood up, lacing his arms around Eartik's legs and continued walking.

"K'pan?"

"Hm?"

"Where did you get Porthos?"

"From a friend on Earth."

"Did your friend have a dog like Porthos?"

"She had two and the girl had puppies. Porthos was one of her puppies."

"Really? Do you think he misses his parents?"

"I dunno. Maybe."

Archer turned the corner and walked into the mess hall.

"SURPRISE!" everyone yelled.

Eartik wiggled free and slid off Archer's back. He peeked around Archer, making everyone laugh. Archer crouched down, sliding his arm around Eartik's waist.

"Did you know that today is your birthday?" Archer asked.

"No," Eartik said, looking at everyone.

"Today is. Happy birthday."

Eartik grinned at Archer.

"Ensign Paris did this so you should probably go give her a hug and thank her," Archer whispered.

Eartik ran to Ensign Paris and hugged her. Archer laughed, standing.

"And you said you'd never have kids," Trip said, walking up behind Archer.

"Things can change," Archer said, watching the children.

Trip laughed, handing Archer a cup of punch. "Uh-huh."

"Happy birthday," Ensign Paris called and the crowd started singing 'Happy Birthday.'

"Hippo birdee two ewe, hippo birdee two ewe," Trip sung to himself, grinning when Archer looked peculiarly at him.

Archer shook his head, smiling at Trip. "You're never going to sing the song right, are you?"

"Nope." Trip lifted his chin, looking defiant. "That's how we always sung it when I was a kid. That's how my kids are going to learn to sing it. That's how my great-grand kids will be singing it when I'm dead and gone."

Archer laughed. He looked down when a hand latched on to his, finding Navta grinning up at him.

"They're opening presents. Come on K'pan!" Navta pulled on his hand.

Trip grinned, watching Navta pull archer through the crowd.


	8. Chef's Diner

_Chef's Diner (8)_

Archer looked at the door when his ready room doorbell beeped.

"I told them not to disturb me," Archer muttered, looking back at his screen.

The doorbell beeped again.

"Come in," Archer said, looking at the door.

Chef walked in and stopped just inside the door so that the sensor held the door open.

"Whose galley is it, Captain?" Chef demanded.

Archer stared at the giant of a man standing in front of him, half wondering if this was a joke.

"Pardon?" Archer asked.

"The galley. Who's is it? Yours or mine?"

"Everyone's Chef."

"Everyone's, sir?" Chef's eyebrows rose to express his dislike to Archer's response.

"Is there something wrong, Chef?"

"I wanna give some people access to the galley after hours, Captain."

"Who?"

"Some crew."

"Why?"

"They wanna cook."

"Chef, you cook. You and your staff do all the cooking. Other crewmen have other duties that do not include cooking."

"I know that."

"Chef, I'm afraid I don't understand what you're asking."

"Just tell me if I can give a couple people access to the galley or not, Captain."

"You can't take people away from their duties. You're not going to do that, are you?"

"No. It'll be after their shifts. They've already assured me of that."

"Then permission granted."

Chef turned and left without being dismissed. And when he left Archer saw Trip standing outside the door. Trip watched Chef cross the bridge and step onto the lift.

"Can I help you, Trip?" Archer asked.

Trip stepped into the ready room, handing Archer a PADD "What was that about?"

"I have no clue."

"Good thing his cooking is better than his manners," Trip joked.

Archer laughed, taking the PADD from Trip and watching him leave.

#

Archer rounded the corner and the mess hall doors opened. The scent of something cooking beckoned to Archer's already growling stomach. Archer stopped, cocking his head to the side when he heard voices coming from the galley. Archer walked toward the counter that separated the dining area from the galley, recognizing the scent. It was baking pizza and it smelled like a supreme with everything. Archer's stomach growled louder and his mouth began watering in response to the scent that was far more appetizing than anything he could get out of the refrigerated cabinets or resequencer.

Archer stopped at the counter, watching the four people at the back. Archer knew all the senior staff but not the entire junior or enlisted staff. Since he didn't recognize the four sitting around a butcher's block he presumed they were junior or enlisted crew. The four were talking and laughing, apparently waiting for the pizza to finish. Archer turned to leave and practically ran over a fifth ensign.

"Sorry. I didn't see you Ensign…" Archer smiled.

"Franklin, sir," The young woman said, smiling. "Sorry I startled you, Captain."

"It's okay."

"Can I help you, sir?" she asked

"No. No." Archer smiled. "I just stopped to get some supper." Archer pointed to the cabinet with the PADD in his hand.

She smiled, looking at the cabinet and then back at Archer. She smiled a little more.

"I'm sure the pizza probably smells better, sir. Would you like some?"

"Oh no. I wouldn't want to impose. Thank you anyway."

"You wouldn't be imposing, sir," an ensign from the galley said.

Archer turned, looking at the speaker. The four had stopped talking and were watching him. Archer's stomach growled again in response to the wonderful smell wafting from one of the stoves. Archer smiled, looking at Ensign Franklin. She looked down, hiding her giggle behind a tight smile. She looked back up at Archer.

"Are you certain you wouldn't like some, sir?" she asked again.

Archer laughed. "It does smell good," Archer admitted.

Ensign Franklin motioned to the galley. Archer walked back to the butcher's block, watching an ensign quickly set a place for him.

"What would you like to drink, sir?" the ensign asked.

Archer looked at the glasses on the table. "Whatever you're drinking."

"Very well, sir." He turned and left the galley to get the drink from the resequencer.

A timer went off and one of the ensigns got up to get the pizza. Archer watched him pull out a cookie sheet and was rushed back to the many times his father had taken him to a pizzeria on the beach. Archer looked down at the butcher's block, remembering the taste of the hot bread and toppings and the stringy mozzarella cheese. He still loved to wrap the cheese around his finger and pull it off with his teeth.

"This looks awesome, Ken," one of the ensigns said, bringing Archer back to the present.

The cookie sheet had been sat down with the pizza on it sliced into even squares and the five were using forks and knives to set a slice of pizza on their plates. Archer picked up his own slice and cut off a bite. The crust was thicker and chewier than he'd ever had, but it melted in his mouth with the rest of the ingredients on the pizza.

"Do you like it, sir?" an ensign asked.

Archer looked at him. "Yes. Did you make this?"

"Yes, sir," the man smiled.

Archer smiled, "You did a great job, Ken."

"Thank you, sir."

Archer took another bite, noticing the five had become quiet. Archer looked down at the pizza on his plate.

"How often do you five do this?" Archer asked them

"We've arranged to do this the first Monday of every month, sir."

"Do you always make pizza?"

"We hadn't planned on it. We just thought that since it was the first time, and we all really wanted pizza…"

"It was a good idea," Archer said, smiling.

Again they were silent. Archer guessed they were being respectful having their captain in their company and that made him feel uncomfortable for having intruded on their fun.

"Okay, here's the deal, if you five can stop calling me sir for just this meal," Archer smiled at the five. "And relax, I'll cook next month."

"Here, here!" Ensign Franklin said, lifting her glass. She lowered it before the others lifted their glass. "So…what do we call you?"

"Jon, but not late for dinner," Archer joked, raising his glass.

The six toasted to the deal. And with that the tone of their supper changed to friends having pizza and laughing.


	9. Retaliation

_Retaliation (9)_

Trip rolled onto his back in his sleep. Across his room an access panel was removed and a person dressed in black from head to toe climbed out. The person sat the panel aside and walked over to Trip's computer. The person turned off his alarm and then walked over to the bed, crouching down by it.

"Lights. Ten percent," the person whispered.

The lights came up to ten percent. The person reached in a bag they had brought and pulled out a slim cylindrical tube. They pulled the top off and rolled up the lipstick inside. The brilliant red of the lipstick was bright even in the dim light. The person grinned, reached out and applied it to Trip's lips. The person quickly applied thick layers of rouge, eye shadow, eyeliner and mascara to Trip's face, dodging his hand when he tried to brush their hand away in his sleep. The person stood when they'd finished and trotted back to the access panel.

"Lights. Off," the person whispered and the lights went off.

The person climbed back into the opening and pulled the access panel back on.

#

Archer tapped his fingers on the situation console. He turned to the companel behind him to call for Trip again.

"I'm here. I'm here," Trip said. "I forgot to set my stupid alarm.

Archer turned to scold him but his voice was lost when he saw his chief engineer's face. Everyone in the situation room stared at Trip, who was oblivious to their stares at the moment. He was hastily sorting through PADDs, trying to get organized for the meeting before Archer laid into him for being late.

Trip let out a sigh, looking up at Archer with a smile. His smile wilted in response to Archer's open-mouthed stare. "Why are you staring at me like that?"

"Did you get drunk last night and forget something?" Archer asked.

"No. Why?"

"I have a blush that would probably look better with your cheekbones, sir." Hoshi bowed her head, resisting bursting out in laughter.

"What!?" Trip looked at her. "Hoshi—"

"That rouge does nothing for you, sir," Malcolm snickered.

"What are you two talking about?" Trip looked to Archer for an answer.

"You have some…thing, on your face, Commander," T'Pol said.

"What?"

"Evidently, sir, you forgot to take your make-up off last night before you went to bed," Travis told Trip.

Trip touched his face. "What are you talking about?"

"Why don't you go get cleaned up and come back, Trip," Archer suggested.

"OH! Oh my gosh!" Malcolm cried out suddenly. Everyone looked at him. Malcolm leaned across the console. "I know why you're alarm clock didn't go off and you're wearing make-up, Commander."

"I'M WHAT?" Trip yelped. He ran his hand across his lips and stared at the red lipstick that came off on it.

"It had something to do with peanut butter."

Trip stared at Malcolm but slowly a smile spread across his lips. "She wasn't a very nice girl last night, was she Malcolm?"

"No, sir. She apparently was up to some deviant work."

"What are you two talking about?" Archer asked

"Oh. Nothing. I'm going to go get cleaned up." Trip turned to leave.

"Sherie two, Trip one," Malcolm said.

Trip looked back at Malcolm with a cool grin. "Don't start betting on her yet, Malcolm." Trip left through the situation door behind him.

"Malcolm, what's going on?" Archer asked.

"Ensign Fields threw water on Trip one day," Malcolm explained, "and he returned the favor by putting peanut butter on her closet door handle. While I found it an unwise move on his part, he also left a note in her closet, taking claim for the prank. When she confronted Commander Tucker about it she promised that this would be dealt with. Commander Tucker's sudden interest in make-up appears to be the retaliation she had promised."

"My gut says this is going to be an interesting war," Travis said.

"My money's on Sherie. She's a prank goddess!" Hoshi said.

"I just realized," Archer laughed "that I'm in charge of a ship full of teenagers!"

"HEY!" Hoshi, Malcolm, and Travis retorted.

Archer only smiled.

_Mr. Jiggles (9)_

Travis looked up and stopped walking. Archer stopped talking mid-sentence as he slowed to a stop. Quartermaster Benson was walking toward them, reading a PADD as she walked down the hall with a teddy bear tucked under her arms. Under her right arm was a blue patchwork teddy bear and under her left was a red and black patchwork teddy bear.

"Quartermaster Benson," Archer said.

She looked up from the PADD in her hand and smiled, "Good afternoon, sirs."

"Nice teddy bears," Travis said.

She blushed. "They're not mine. I made them for Eartik and Navta."

"Really?" Archer held his hand out and she handed him the blue one.

"These are nice," Archer asked.

"They're teddy bears, sir. They're supposed to be cute not nice," Travis joked, smiling with Benson.

She laughed. "Have either of you seen the children?"

"Last I knew they were playing in the rec room," Travis said.

"They weren't there when I checked."

"Try loading bay one. They play there a lot too," Archer said, handing the teddy bear back to Quartermaster Benson.

She took it back. "Thank you, sir. Excuse me."

The men continued walking.

#

Archer smiled at the alien on his screen, "Thank you for the invitation. We'll be happy to stop by."

He heard the lift doors open but didn't turn to look.

"We will be pleased to accept…" The alien looked past Archer.

Archer turned in time to see Navta quickly disappear into T'Pol's station. T'Pol, who was watching the view screen too, reached down and pulled Navta behind her chair out of sight. Without looking at Navta, T'Pol motioned the child to stay where she had been placed. Archer looked back at the screen, acting as though nothing had happened.

"To accept you," the alien finished.

"Thank you. We should reach your planet in a day. It was a pleasure making your acquaintance."

The view screen went back to space speeding by at warp three.

"Navta," Archer said, turning. "What have I told you about coming onto the bridge?"

Navta didn't answer him.

"Navta," Archer said.

"That I'm never supposed to come onto the bridge unless someone specifically asks me to or I'm with one of the crew or I ask you permission from a companel first."

"So why are you here?"

Navta didn't answer.

Archer started toward T'Pol's station. "Navta, answer me."

Archer leaned on the rail, looking down at Navta. She was hugging her new red and black teddy bear to her chest, watching him with blue eyes that Archer quickly lost his resistance to.

"I wanted to show you my new teddy bear, K'pan. Emily made one for me and one for Eartik."

"Uh-huh. And you couldn't wait until I was off work?"

Navta looked down. "I could have." Navta bit down on her bottom lip.

"Next time, you wait until I'm off work to show me something like this, okay?"

Navta nodded. Archer held his hand out for her teddy bear. Navta handed him the teddy bear. Archer turned it around, looking into the teddy bear's button eyes.

"Do you like him?" Archer asked Navta.

"Him?" Navta got to her feet, stepping up to the railing. "It's a him?"

"It could be. Might be a 'her.' What do you think it is?"

"Him." Navta took the teddy bear when Archer handed it back to her.

"What's his name?"

"I…I have to name my teddy bear?"

"No, but I named mine."

"So did I," Hoshi and Trip admitted.

Navta risked a smile and Archer returned it.

"What was yours named, K'pan?"

"Bernstein. I named him after this bear in these books my mom read to me."

"I named my Teddy. I wasn't real creative on naming things," Trip laughed.

"What about your Hoshi?" Archer looked at Hoshi.

"She was named Daffodil," Hoshi looked back at Archer, smiling.

Navta looked at the teddy bear. "I dunno what to name him."

"You'll think of something." Archer patted her shoulder.

"He jiggles a lot. See." Navta held the bear up and shook him.

Archer smiled, watching the bear jiggle in front of him.

"Just like good 'ol Saint Nick," Trip joked.

"Who's Saint Nick?" Navta asked.

"That's a story for another time. You need to get off the bridge, Navta," Archer ordered

"Okay." Navta turned to leave. She looked back at Archer. "Jiggles?"

"Works for me."

"You have designated him a male teddy bear," T'Pol said.

Everyone looked at T'Pol. She had been observing the conversation with no expression.

"And?" Archer asked.

"Perhaps an appropriate name for the teddy bear would be Mister Jiggles."

Navta grinned, turning the teddy bear to look in its face. "Mister Jiggles?" She shook it a little and the head bobbed. "He said yes, K'pan!"

Archer chuckled. He reached out, grabbing Navta's wrist. Navta looked at him.

"You and Mr. Jiggles need to leave the bridge, Navta. Now."

Navta turned and hugged T'Pol. T'Pol was taken by surprise, but only looked down at Navta.

"Thank you, T'Pol." Navta looked up at her, smiling.

"You are welcome. You have been asked to leave the bridge, however."

Navta stood on her toes and gave T'Pol a peck on the cheek. "Bye!" Navta ran over to the lift and pushed the button. The door opened and she hopped on, pressing a button.

Archer watched the door close and then looked back at T'Pol. The Vulcan had already turned back to her work. He stood for a short while, waiting for everyone on the bridge to go back to work. Archer slowly made his way around the railing and up to T'Pol's side.

"Almost done with that report?" Archer asked.

"It will be completed within the hour."

Archer nodded. "Mister Jiggles?"

"It is an appropriate designation."

With a sly smile Archer leaned toward T'Pol and whispered, "Watch it, T'Pol. For a moment there we caught a little humor and affection. That wouldn't be very Vulcan-like."

T'Pol looked up at Archer. She didn't attempt to confirm or deny his accusation. She simply stared at him for a long minute and then returned to her work. With a quiet chuckle Archer returned to his chair.

#

_It is astonishing, really, how many thoroughly mature, well-adjusted grown-ups harbor a teddy bear—which is perhaps why they are thoroughly mature and well-adjusted._

—Joseph Lempa (1995, _The Quotable Teddy Bear_)


End file.
